Storyteller, author, filmmaker, suicide survivor. The dynamic Kevin Hines was on campus Thursday to share his story of hope, healing and recovery from the mental anguish that almost cost him his life. Hines was the final keynote speaker in this year’s HYPE Career Ready® Program.
“I have now lived 15 years past the day I was supposed to die,” said Hines, who in 2004 jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge in an attempt to take his life. That suicide attempt followed years and years of burying the lethal emotional pain that was ruling his life.
Through stories he often punctuated with humor, Hines told of his journey that led him to the Golden Gate Bridge. Hines said he first felt emotional pain in the fourth grade when he began to heard voices in his head. “How does a child tell his mom and dad that he hears voices that are not theirs?” he asked.
A string of traumatizing circumstances – infant neglect, abuse in the foster care system, bullying in school and losing several loved ones to suicide – led to psychiatric care in his late teens, when Hines said he “pretended to be well but was falling apart at the seams.”
“On September 24th, 2004, I could bear the brunt of my depression no longer. I was in immeasurable pain. I felt useless, worthless, like I had no value and I had to die,” he said.
He paused. “I don’t know who the toughest person in this room is, but I want to tell you this. Never again do you have to silence your pain. Your pain is valid. You are worthy.”
Hines walked the audience through the events of the day that led to his suicide attempt: writing a suicide note, a masked plea for help to his father, a final good-bye and “I love you, Dad,” sobbing like a baby on the bus ride to the bridge. “I was just hoping, wishing, praying that one person would see my pain and say something,” he recalled. One tourist woman finally did; she asked him to take her photo.
“I just said to myself, ‘Nobody cares.’ The voices told me to jump now, and I did.”
In the four seconds it took to fall 220 feet to the water, Hines said he had instant regret for his actions. What happened next was nothing short of a miracle. Suffering with a severe back injury, he swam his way to the surface, fighting to survive. A sea lion kept him afloat until the Coast Guard arrived to rescue him.
Hines is one of only 39 individuals to survive a jump from the Golden Gate Bridge and the only survivor who is actively spreading the message of living mentally healthy. But it took a lot of work to get there, including seven stays in psychiatric wards over 11 years.
“I would go up and I would come down. I would come up and I would go down,” Hines said. Ultimately, he turned to meditation, exercise and nutrition, putting in a lot of work to get healthy and reclaim his life. During one of his stays in the psych ward, he met the woman who would eventually become his wife.
Today, Hines travels the globe, sharing his story while teaching people of all ages the art of wellness and the ability to survive pain through resilience. Currently, he is producing a new docuseries, The Journey, and working on a comic book version of his life.
“Pain comes in waves,” he said. “But if you can find purpose in your life, you can fight it.”
With the audience on its feet capturing cellphone video of his closing message, Hines left them with this: “Be Here Tomorrow and every single day after that. You are all beautiful just as you are. You are intended to be here until your natural end. Suicide is never the solution to our problems.”